Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Journey Part IX

The Journey is chronicling my thoughts and feelings as I proceed down the path of spirituality. For a detailed explanation, see The Journey Part I

Now, I know what you are thinking. Two Journey posts on the same day? It will become clear enough soon, but let's just say that what I have to say in this one needs to be separated from the other post.

Lately I have been having some doubts about this whole journey. I really can't see myself becoming religious at all. I don't, among other things, seem to have the temperament for it. I tend to take things seriously that others seem to think I shouldn't and I laugh off things others seem to think are serious. Normally, that wouldn't bother me. In fact, most times I laugh off things others take way too seriously. But religion is different. You need to have convictions that, for the most part, are not easy for me to have. I have a quizzical mind. I often question things. It's because I need to know why a lot. Religion is one area where too many questions are sometimes frowned upon. I do want to thank Randy Skaja and Andy Brumm for taking the time to answer the rather goofy questions I have had so far.

I'm sure you will agree that some questions are healthy, but the problem I have is I want to ask the unhealthy ones. I will admit that occasionally I have an unhealthy need for knowledge. That's just who I am. That is why I can identify the flag for Burkina Faso in just a second or two and tell you where it is.

I have a lot of questions that I probably will never ask because I do not want to offend a group of people who have been very good to me and my family for a very long time. I will not ask questions that will cause more stress and anger in my family. I will not, in a quest for knowledge, ask questions that appear to be questioning someone's religion.

So, that leaves me at a crossroads. One that I have been standing at a long time. Two choices stand before me. One path leads down a road where some knowledge is sacrificed in the name of faith. The other is a life of knowledge without faith. I have seen the beginnings of both paths. They both appeal to me. I do not know which path I want to go down. What's worse is that I do not know which path is the right one. I guess I will stand at the crossroads (listening to some Clapton) for a little while longer.

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