OK, I'll admit that ill, overtired and more than a little pissy is no mood for good writing, but as long as I'm going to be awake anyway, I might as well put the time to good use.
If you saw my post from last weekend, you'll know that the ups and downs in my life have been a little bit out of whack. Well, dear readers, apparently we ain't seen nothing yet. The great cosmic roller coaster that is my life cannot go a few hours without correcting itself. We'll put aside the fact that I had three Mondays this week (believe me, we'll touch on that later) and just concentrate on the end of the week and work from there.
Friday promised to be a, well...if not good, at least a decent day by my recent standards. Yea, I did wake up with the first twinges of a cold, but working in an elementary school now, I'm pretty sure that my life will be an unending series of head colds and other various viruses. What was going to make it good-ish was the fact that I was going to be able to squeeze in about an hour of happiness before work. It was too. That hour was quite nice even if it was way too short. At this point I should have went with my gut...It was telling me to slag off work in favor of more fun. However, as a 'responsible' adult, I trudged to work anyway. How was I rewarded for my devotion to my occupation? That's right...the twinge of a cold hits me full force less than two hours into my shift, effectively taking my feet right out from under me. In retrospect, it wasn't so bad...I've worked through colds before and I did have my phone which allowed me access to some relief, so it wasn't completely unbearable.
So what do I get hit with when I get home? Of course, another bump in the personal road. One more fire in the making that will need to be stamped out before it has a chance to toast me to a delightful shade of charcoal black.
Of course, Monday started off the week with fireworks of it's very own. I came to find out that, due to a rare set of circumstances, my payroll check bounced. Yessiriebob...I get to jump through more hoops than a show dog (one of which is STILL being navigated) just to get the money I earned back and all the fees removed. Of course, the bank can't be arsed to process all the fees on the same day...Oh no...that would be to f'ing easy. Let's do one a day for THREE DAYS just to make it more interesting. Oh yea...turning Tuesday and Thursday into Mondays makes my life so much more interesting.
I understand that the world needs balance. The whole system would collapse without it. Honestly though, does the counterbalance have to come SO DAMN FAST?! Can't I enjoy the good for more than an hour or two before the next ton of bricks hits me on the head? One question that has been rolling around my head a lot these past few days is, at what point does constantly picking yourself up turn from noble and courageous to pathetic and foolish?
I'm starting to think that a balanced world doesn't include me being happy. Up until recently, I would have been content to sacrifice a bit of happiness for some stability. Not now though. I have a reason to keep picking myself up and refusing to dust myself off after the brushback pitch. Is it foolish? Maybe. Will I begin to look pathetic? More than likely. The thing is, I got a taste of happiness that I haven't had in quite some time. Once I got it, I had no idea how much I missed it. If I'm going to go down hard, than dammit, I'm going down kicking and screaming...